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Question: How do you get over your first love? serious replies only please.?
(Posted by: Akurei on 2010-03-10 08:09:15)
This is going to be a bit of story telling, so please bear with me and please make your answer relate to my experience. Background: I've been in long term relationships before, and engaged once (out of pity, he proposed in front of his parents) but I never took any of them seriously. I got raped at the age of 13. I was planning on saving myself for marriage, but stopped caring about life or the value of sex, after the event. Still, I wasn't promiscuous and I probably slept with my ex's a total of 10 times altogether. I've been called things such as a "poisonous bitch " and a "heartless cunt " because I never seemed sad over break ups. In truth, I had never loved any of my ex's. I had fun with them, while it lasted, but I never thought of a future with any of them. Present day: My sophomore year of college, I met, for anonymity's sake, Tom. I had a huge crush on him, but never acted on it. One day, in the beginning of October, we ended up getting drunk and sleeping together... the first time I had ever done something like that. I apologized over and over, and sought out the advice of my friends. I was convinced that I was a whore and that I blew my chances. We started seeing each other, to my surprise, and I started to like him a lot. Then I fucked up by going to a party with some friends and taking my shirt off (bra left on, I didn't kiss anyone, hug anyone, let alone hook up with anyone) and he told me he didn't want to be with someone like that. He eventually gave in to giving me another chance but told me that he had high standards. I promised I'd leave him alone forever if I fucked up again and that I'd try my best to meet those standards. The next months of Nov, Dec, and Jan were amazing. We rarely fought and when we did fight, it brought us closer. I understood his career choices of always traveling and possibly never being able to see me (military, mercenary, what have you) and I think he liked the fact that I accepted it. All I really asked for in return was that he didn't abandon me and that he remained faithful to me. I took loyalty to such a far step with him (he had trust issues) that I stopped hanging out with my friends, stopped talking to guys that have ever hit on me, and made a note to every guy I knew that I was taken and off the market. I would even make sure to grab his arm of something if we passed by an ex of mine to make sure he knew that I was over them and I had no problem showing them I was happy with another guy. I went above and beyond to the point of exhaustion and eventually became a hermit. I didn't mind. For the first time, I openly admitted I was in love and I let myself love another individual. I had no doubt in my mind that even though he never said it, he loved me as well. One day, late January, he asked me when was the first time I had sex with the guy that I dated before him. I said "Two weeks. We only had sex twice. He didn't mean very much to me. " Honestly, Tom was the only guy that really meant a lot to me and the only guy I had a very sexual relationship with. By then, I found out he had lost his virginity to me, to my surprise, because he was 22. (I'm 19.) For some reason he said "Only two weeks? Wow. I don't know how to take that. I can't be with you. " He broke up with me over that piece of information. We attempted to get back together and piece together the remains of our relationship, but he said he can never get over the fact that it only took this guy 2 weeks to get into my pants. Now, it's March, and after trying trying trying to get back together and make it work, I realized he changed. He stopped caring about me and stopped being attentive. I also found an e- mail where he asked another girl if she was single. It was a girl from his hometown (He lived in AZ, me in NY) and since spring break is in less than a week, I can only imagine why he would ask her. Weirdly enough, it was after we broke up where he would start telling me he loved me... but never before. When I felt loved, he'd never say it. When I stopped feeling it, he would say it. I've concluded that, indeed, this man does not care or love me, as of now. He said I make him miserable and he doesn't believe that me sleeping with him is any different than me sleeping with me ex, even though I've told him over and over that the difference is that I loved him (Tom) where I never loved my ex. How do I get over him? This is the first time I've ever loved anyone and I want to get over him. I've never loved before, so I don't know how to go about this. I've had enough guys ask me out as of lately, but I'm not interested in going out with anyone or meeting someone new. I don't drink and I don't party. I feel betrayed and cheated. Worst of all, I put so much effort into this relationship and I feel like it has all been overlooked. He focuses on his jealousy of my past relationship to the point it consumed him and this relationship. He made it clear that he will always be miserable wi |
