Advice & Tips On Love, Women, Dating & Sexuality

Question: He is still in love with his ex??????

(Posted by: Lisa R on 2010-03-10 08:33:25)

Okay, well I met this guy- he was married when we met. In the end- he pretty much left his wife for me. I mean, we didn't cheat or anything- I don't want you to get the wrong idea. His marriage was pretty much over when I first met him- they fought all the time occasionally even getting physical in public- he insulted her parenting and she slapped him in public. In the end she suggested the divorce and afterwords I got with him. It has been a few months now, and me and her are on pretty good terms. But there are moments when I think he still loves her. We were taking a walk yesterday and I mentioned the fact that where we were was the first time I had met his ex wife (at the time she was still his wife) he seemed to drift off and smile- I am not just being paranoid, I know he did. then today I was talking to him about going on a double date with his ex (she brought up the idea, not me) I asked him if she was dating anyone and he said he didn't think so. So I was like "I think I might know who it is or at least a guy she likes " he then started freaking out and saying "who? who? who? " realizing he seemed too eager he tried to change the subject and was like "who.... wants a drink? " but it was too late. I have tried to get him to be 100 percent honest with me and admit he still has feelings for her but he just gets mad and claims he doesn't. I don't know what to do. In the end his wife left him which makes him more likely to go crawling back. Because when you leave someone its easier to move on. If they leave you, you basically spend all your time thinking 'why?' how can I get him to admit he still has feelings for her? or is that a can I shouldn't be opening? I keep thinking once he admits it we can move on and get that out of the way and just be happy. but what if he admits it then leaves me and goes crawling back to her? Is there something I can do to make him want me more? I need to find a way to distract him from her and keep his attention on me. I already play fairly hard to get, occasionally flirting with other guys- getting him jealous. the weird thing is, although he seems to like his wife still- he act's as if we are going to be together for ever- I mean, I was talking about adopting a child or doing foster care and he was all "I don't think that's a good idea for us right now. " I didn't say anything but I was thinking "us? when did we become an us? " sorry this was soo long. I just really need some advice.

Posted by: Stephanie W on 2010-03-10, 08:45:01

Good for you for trying to maintain such a pleasant relationship with the ex. Divorcees with children don't behave as well as you. The best way to keep your man is to stay confident and don't let little things bring you down and upset your cool. In my experience, once people go to court and say "I most certainly don't, " it's pretty much over. They've given it their all and realized they are not "forever " material. *ignore the Bozo below, nothing in your question led me to think your were unemployed or without a high school degree. People on the internet like to say those things because it makes them feel like they've got something over you.

Posted by: Janelle G on 2010-03-10, 08:34:39

Well he might be.. now answer mine... answers.yahoo.com/ question/ index;_ylt= AmxPEmUZYPmHwWxWIud8kEbsy6IX;_ylv= 3?qid= 20100309184743AAtbKRD

Posted by: bigdaddy_ruffluv on 2010-03-10, 08:47:27

First off when you first met him and didn't have sex he still cheated...if you cheat in your heart it's the same as doing it. Second why dwell on these things? Does he do you right...does he give you all that you need? does he treat you as you wish to be treated? I think he owes you a dose of honesty myself. Just remember if it's done in the heart it is the very same as doing it. I think of ex's at times there were many memories that I just can't forget. then again they don't play on my mind like his does. Do you have a job...or are you dependent on this guy? I bet he would look at things much differently if you worked. Did you finish high school? Be ready for disappointment down the road seems he is set in his ways and if he isn't willing to bend then there will be trouble soon. Get a job and do not be dependent on any man.