Advice & Tips On Love, Women, Dating & Sexuality

Question: A question for men. the contraceptive pill: does a man have the right to tell a woman not to take it.?

(Posted by: Answers on 2010-03-10 01:43:25)

Please could only men answer this question. I've heard the opinions of many women which I appreciate, but I would like to know what men think especially? I am in a new relationship. My boyfriend doesn't like the contraceptive pill (birth control pill) and doesn't want me to take it. When I ask him why he doesn't like it, he can't say and just says "I don't know. " However, I want to go on the pill but he doesn't agree. He wants to use condoms; I hate condoms though. I took an aids test (+ other stds) and haven't had sex since, so I know I'm healthy. I also only have sex in a relationship and haven't had a relationship for over two years. I'm certain he doesn't have any STDs either. I am feeling a little angry about it because to me it's my body and I feel I should have the right to choose what I put into it. If I want to take the pill, is it my right to choose? On the one hand, I feel that. I also wonder if his attitude is controlling. On the other hand, I keep telling myself sex is an act between two people, not one, so maybe he should have some say in the matter. That's something I'm trying to remind myself of, but I still feel indignant. Do you think I'm right to feel angry or indignant? Do you think it should be the woman's choice to take birth control pills? Do you think a man has a right to tell a woman not to? If he does, is that overly controlling? Please note, that he does want to use contraception, just not the pill. Do any of you dislike women taking the pill? If you are OK with women taking it, what do you think about another man telling his girlfriend not to take it? I am from the UK and he is from Korea. I don't know if there is any stigma or taboo against the pill in Korea (which is said to be a sexually conservative country.) Who knows? There may be no stigma; no idea. If a man from the UK forbade me from taking the pill, I would think him controlling but maybe in this case it doesn't mean that because of the cultural difference: again, who knows. Does anybody know about this very very generally in respect to Korean culture and sexual mores? I have told him that I want to take the pill, but it is like a wall suddenly shoots up. I haven't pressed it further. I know you can't speak for him or explain him. I just want to figure out my own feelings. Am I right to feel angry? Is it controlling behaviour on his part? DO YOU THINK A MAN SHOULD HAVE AN EQUAL SAY IN WHAT CONTRACEPTION IS TAKEN? PLEASE NOTE: I think that he isn't concerned about STDs because he's willing to use the WITHDRAWAL METHOD or only have sex on "safe days " (rhythm method). I don't trust either of these methods, so he agreed to use condoms.

Posted by: JDB on 2010-03-10, 01:44:44

It her choice but your welcome to drop hints.

Posted by: MangaMan on 2010-03-10, 01:49:49

Interesting, most guys would be encouraging their girlfriends to get ON the pill. Maybe he's hiding something from you. Are you sure he doesn't have anything that he could pass to you? Some kind of STD? Maybe he's embarrassed to tell you, but that's a very selfish reason. Partners should disclose any and every risk. Other then that, I can't really explain it. Pills are more dependable (when taken right) than a condom, so I really can't say. However, it's your body and your call. Especially if he can't give you a straight answer. Sounds like a bit of a goof. Consider if you're with the right guy.

Posted by: patoo on 2010-03-10, 01:52:23

Its good to discuss such issues together .there might be a reason to that .agree on whether you need a child or not ,where a man is ,accept any suggestion but it should not come as a command . for me i like those people who are open on anything. tell him to open up for you so that you can understand him well

Posted by: G. on 2010-03-10, 01:52:30

You should tell him that you'd rather use pills. I think he'll understand and allow you to use pills instead of condoms.

Posted by: Jessica A on 2010-03-10, 01:58:11

I know you don't want girls answering, but Tell him you're not having sex until you can take the pill. Just in case :)

Posted by: wakaflocka on 2010-03-10, 01:59:32

If you want to take the pill then you should..and if he wants to have a say so like that then he needs to give you a good reason y.

Posted by: davester1970 on 2010-03-10, 02:00:26

If you want to take the pill then that is your prerogative. It is your right and your body. If he doesn't like it, then he can either hit the bricks or go spank himself off. So you are not ready to get pregnant. That is of your choosing. I don't know why he wouldn't want you to take the pill. Unless you are discussing having a child and it is agreed on, then shouldn't everyone involve better if you are taking your pills? I know if you were my woman, I would be happy that you are taking steps on your end to prevent unwanted pregnancies. I know I am when I wear a condom. Until I know for certain that you are 100% clean of venereal disease, then I am wearing that condom. In fact, you should make him wear one too. I know you don't like them. As a man, I can speak for most of us when we say we hate those damn things too. I hate condoms, but I need condoms. I know it doesn't feel as good. I would rather deal with a condom than an unwanted pregnancy or a disease any day of the week and twice on Sunday. How do you know if HE is clean and disease free? Once again, keep taking the pill. If it will cause an argument to be avoided, lie and say you aren't when take them behind his back. I don't really get this on a wide variety of levels. It's not like the sex is going to be any different unless there are some bad side effects from the pill you are taking when you are on a birth control pill. If you don't want a kid, then that is your right and not his. On the other hand, make sure he is disease free too before you let him "raw dog " it. Sexing without birth control and possible bring an unwanted child in this world is very irresponsible!

Posted by: retro30 on 2010-03-10, 02:16:07

Im okay wit girls on the pill. but for him i think its more the part that he knows he's protected and just feels safer. it should be your choice of wat u want to do but for him hes still not confident that a simple pill will stop it i guess.. but thats just my thought.